Had my own unneccessarily over-exciting Side Effects dinner moment this evening...
Close Encounters of the toaster-oven kind: In theory I like flaming food. Bananas Foster is just cool. So is British-style Christmas pudding with mincemeat and flaming brandy.
Sandwiches, however, are just not in the category of "foods which ought to be burning."
I tossed a piece of baguette in my toaster oven and hit "toast" like I've done 300 times before. Then I started putting together the innards. I only noticed something unneccessarily exciting was going on when the toaster button pinged at me and the inside of the toaster was still lit up. I looked inside and realized there were actual flames coming out of the top of my baguette.
Apparently I went straight through panic and out the other side. I stood there staring at the flames going "uh... now what?" for a split second and then started itemizing. It must have been less than thirty seconds, but it felt like at least five or ten minutes as my brain very calmly but at VERY high speed ran through "don't open it until I KNOW I'm sure what I'm doing because that will let oxygen at it and oxygen is BAD -- okay, no baking soda over the stove, probably some in the back of the fridge but it's probably clumpy, but if I throw baking soda in there it may never come out right, but do I care since the damn machine is actually igniting my food, and do I dare take my eyes off it long enough to go get the fire hydrant which I bought in 1997 when I moved in and which hasn't been tested since then and which could probably really use a recharge. And this proves what I'd long suspected, that my fire alarm is completely disconnected, because there's a fair amount of smoke coming out the top of this thing but at least the actual steel hasn't burned through yet and oh GOOD, the fire appears to be suffocating itself inside the closed-up toaster."
By the time I got to that conclusion, the flames were dying down; I left it all closed up for another minute or so just to be sure it had suffocated itself, then very cautiously reached in and extricated the ex-baguette and left it sitting on the metal tray on top of the toaster to make sure all the heat and fire weren't going to burst into flames anywhere near anything wooden.
One of the more random thoughts going through the back of my head was "Dang I wish I knew Suiton Daibakufu no Jutsu right about now"...
So yeah, trying to get the heart unstuck from the middle of the throat to head back to semblance of writing... (several large sweatdrops hanging overhead here!)